« You are challenging social norms… »

Following the publication of my articles on my long dark tunnel of anxiety and depression, I was struck by a big wave of love that warmed my heart and soul. The wave lifted me up and inspired me to reconnect with friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. I didn’t just want to write to my friends, I wanted to talk to them, I wanted to see them. So, I decided to FaceTime them spontaneously, without warning, at any time of the day…

The first person I contacted was an Australian friend, a former military guy I had met back when I was working in Washington DC. His name is Chip, he has an « exotic » accent, and the look of the Crocodile Hunter; how could I not develop an immediate « bromance » with a guy like that? I hadn’t seen Chip since 2015, but we had kept in touch through Facebook. So, I felt the desire to reconnect with him. I was camping in my trailer with my youngest daughter, I grabbed my iPhone and, on a whim, I opened the Messenger app. Half a second before pressing the camera button, a crucial question popped into my head: What time was it in Australia? I checked and saw it was around 8 in the morning, on a Sunday. So, I pressed the camera button and Chip appeared; he was having breakfast with his wife Joanne.

I was delighted to see them again, so I enthusiastically started telling them that I had just come out of depression, that things were getting better, that everything was slowly falling back into place; I was getting carried away in my explanations to the point where I didn’t let Chip get a word in. When I finally paused, Chip calmly asked me, « Eric… where is Corinne? » That’s when I realized the rather awkward nature of my call… With no prior notice, I was FaceTiming him on a Sunday morning, from my trailer, wearing a tuque; I also had a few days’ worth of beard growth, and here I was telling him I was coming out of depression… Of course, Chip and Jo must have seriously wondered if I was on the streets, if my wife had left me, if I had forgotten to take my medication, etc. I burst into a sincere laughter and shouted: « No, no, no, all is good! I’m still in a relationship! I’m just in a campground at the moment, with my youngest daughter… » And then I called my daughter to come on-screen to show Chip and Joanne that I wasn’t homeless… It was too funny of a situation. The conversation continued for a good half an hour. Clearly, we were very happy to see each other again after so many years.

Two days later, I felt the urge to reconnect with a high school friend I had lost touch with for at least 30 years. I hadn’t kept in touch with him, neither in person nor on social media. So, I took my phone and FaceTimed him without warning. Imagine his surprise when he saw me on his phone… And yet, the conversation was very deep, especially since it was spontaneous, and it seemed as fascinating for him as it was for me.

Another night, I was working on the computer when I saw that a distant friend had liked one of my articles. Without hesitation, I video called him. It was almost 11 o’clock at night, and he definitely found it a bit unusual, but once again, the exchange was very warm and truly pleasant.

I did this a few more times, and I have to say, I had more warm and enriching conversations in about two weeks than maybe in the rest of my life.

I’m not sure why I was doing this. I just had a visceral urge to reconnect with my friends, near and far. It was as if life had given me a second chance, and I didn’t want to miss it. And, as I wrote earlier, these spontaneous encounters were extremely rewarding.

I shared these impromptu FaceTime calls with distant friends with my psychiatrist. My therapist is a fantastic person: always composed, nothing seems to surprise him; it’s as if he had heard everything in his office. He leaned towards me and calmly said, in his North African accent and with his soft and warm voice: « It’s certain, Mr. Sauvé, that you are challenging social norms… ».

What a lovely choice of words! What depth in that reflection! In a few simple words, he highlighted all the incongruity of these unexpected calls. I was challenging social norms… The unwritten rules that say you text someone before calling them, that you send an email or a message rather than « picking up » the phone, like we used to do for decades before.

This episode made me realize that audio-visual technology, fascinating and essential, has paradoxically contributed to distancing us from our acquaintances. We can text for long minutes without ever thinking of talking, let alone opening our camera. And yet, when we dare to do so, the exchange is so much more enriching!

I miss the time when we would sit by the phone, untangle the cord, then dial a friend’s number with the rotary dial. It was the only way to get in touch with a friend, other than seeing them. And sometimes we would spend long minutes, if not hours, chatting about everything and nothing.

Let’s challenge these social norms that dictate our behavior. It’s so pleasant and enriching.