When I was 29, I acquired my first Recreational Vehicle (RV). I knew nothing about RVing so I also bought “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to RVing”. Boy was that book ever helpful. The last chapter talked about the full-timers, those who leave everything behind to travel year-round in their RVs. The « home is where you park it » types of travellers. I remember exactly why, according to the book, most full-timers finally decided to quite the RV lifestyle: Lack of purpose.
At this point you may ask, what does this have to do with my transition from the military to the civilian life? The answer is, a sense of purpose is important in life. For most of us, simply enjoying the good things in life in not enough, we need a purpose. The military gave me that. I had the sense that I was working for a greater good. I had a sense of service.
When I left the Army, after 22 years of service, my wife and I decided to go for a one year around the world trip with our three kids. We all thoroughly enjoyed that once in a lifetime experience and, upon returning to Canada, the kids went back to school and my wife to work. I, on the other hand, decided to take some time off before choosing what my second career would be. I had joined the Army at 16 and the military was all I had known for me entire adult life.
The first few weeks at home where enjoyable. Then, I started to experience difficult feelings: I was easily irritated and I was losing my temper for no particular reasons. One morning after sending the kids to school, I went to the mailbox with the dog. Returning home, it dawned on me that I had nothing to do until the kids came back in late afternoon.
I thought my bad mood was due to the fact that, for the first time in my life, I was not bringing money to the family. But then I realized that it wasn’t my lack of income that was making me feel uneasy, it was the lack of purpose in life that had been nagging me. What was my purpose? Being on the road for a year had given me purpose but there I was, not yet 40 years old and I spent all day alone at home while my friends were all at work, many of them still in the service of the country.
I eventually found work and the feeling of emptiness gradually faded. I was fooling myself though when I thought that I had completed a full transition back to the civilian life. It had taken the Army a few years to turn me into a soldier, it would take a few years to « return » me to a full civilian.
In 2022, I suffered a major depression. This was not directly related to my time in uniform. The most difficult sensation I experienced during those 22 months of despair was that feeling of not being able “to do my job”. I’m not talking above my civilian employment at the time, but my job of serving my country. There I was, eight years after retirement and still thinking that my main purpose in life was to serve.
The Army gave me purpose. I sorely miss that feeling, still today. I especially miss that sense of camaraderie, of being « brothers in arms ». I know this may be cliché but that’s what most in the military feel: they’re brothers and sisters in arms. It is a sense of shared purpose.
Most people don’t put themselves into harm’s way just to gain money. Those who joined and stayed long enough did so because the military gave them a sense of service, of fulfillment, of adventure. Mostly, it gave them a sense of purpose in life.
Having a purpose gets you out of bed each day; it fills your day and it allows you to sleep contently at night. Just like those full-time RVers, I have realised that purpose is not only important, it is critical for all of us.
M. Sauvé. Très intéressant. Mon expérience fut similaire. Joint les FC à 17 ans. Retraite 33 ans plus tard. Fin de carrière un vendredi, début du travail civil le lundi. Pas beaucoup de temps pour y penser… Rien de cliché dans votre analyse concernant la famille, le sens d’appartenance etc. Mais si on te traite comme un numéro à la sortie, il est intéressant de constater qu’on ressent tout de même un vide immense et une perte de sentiment d’appartenance. S’agit de s’investir dans autre chose et, à fonds, pour diminuer les sentiments négatifs. J’ai mis approximativement 5 ans à faire de deuil de la carrière; puis plus récemment, en atteignant 60 ans… le fait de savoir que ne pourrais plus rejoindre les FC a aidé. Mais je travaille encore et j’en retire une satisfaction certaine. Ça aide. Je garde contact avec des anciens collègues (très peu) et d’autres qui ont aussi fait la transition à la vie civile. Certains sont complètement à la retraite et sont bien heureux. Je ne suis pas encore rendu à cette étape, mais quelque chose me dit que ça ne aurait tarder… Lâchez pas 🙂
De mon côté j’appréhende la retraite complète pour y avoir goûté quelques mois à ma sortie des Forces. Je n’avais même pas 40 ans et je sentais que je n’avais plus de but dans la vie. Il faut dire que mon entourage travaillait encore, ce qui sera différent quand je prendrai une vraie retraite dans quelques années.
Je suis convaincu que l’on doit préparer sa retraite, que l’on doit avoir un plan. de même que l’on a un plan de carrière durant nos années actives. Avec mon épouse, on prévoit retourner sur la route, juste nous deux, comme avant les enfants. J’ai rencontré des backpackers dans la soixantaine, ce sont mes modèles et mes héros. On aspire à faire de même. La vie est belle, la planète est immense, il faut en profiter.
Merci de votre intérêt pour le blogue.
Eric
Eric,
I believe you have found a new purpose with your writing. I hope you believe so too.
Stay strong and stay well.
Kind regards
Chip
Merci Chip, indeed, writing and sharing my thoughts and ideas give me purpose. Traveling too. And receiving friends from down under as well ;-). Looking forward to seeing you and your family in a couple of months.